Wednesday 19 April 2017

Forging ties that bind


Workshop of family focuses on the Five Ls to a fulfilling family life - learning, laughter, loyalty, love, leadership. 

By Sheila Menon
One of our most important goals in life is to build a successful and highly rewarding career. The other is to forge happy and successful relationships with those around us.
For most people their families are their major resources not just in terms of finances but also emotional support and advice. Families also provide role models for the younger generation.
Having a fulfilling relationship with family members will have a lasting effect on one’s personality, behaviour and self-esteem. For most people this legacy is largely positive, but for some conflicts and disagreements with family members create unresolved confusion and pain.
Children see parents in positions of power and influence. But it can help to remember that they are also people, each with their own set of emotional and psychological hang ups.
This new perspective helps create a clearer picture of one’s childhood. Understanding one’s parents is an important first step towards self-forgiveness and acceptance, which in turn reduces the likelihood of repeating the same mistakes with one’s own children.
Hugs are important. They can help even adults, who missed out on affection when they were younger. Positive emotional exchanges stimulate the growth of cortisol receptors in the brain, which is also important in managing stress.
Of course, therapy is another way to help rid oneself of unwanted baggage and leave you free to embrace more positive relationships.
The angry parent
All parents get cross from time to time, and whilst children don’t like this, single outbursts rarely lead to emotional damage. Prolonged anger however, which overshadows everything is harmful because children remain in a high state of alert.
As adults they may be hyper sensitive or avoid conflict at all costs. People pleasers who are nervous about expressing their own opinions often fall into this group. The good side is that these very skills are helpful in the workplace and are often found among the more supportive and reliable of colleagues. The down side is that bottling up real emotions can lead to stress, loneliness, frustration and sometimes passive-aggressive behaviour.
The controlling parent
When a parent is too controlling, children lack the opportunity to develop confidence in their own opinions. They may even lie to avoid conflict. As adults they find making decisions difficult or stressful.
Another common behaviour is avoiding criticism at all costs. Of course the positive outcome is that they are often diplomatic, good at considering other people’s feeling and opinions and weigh up the pros and cons before speaking.
Emotionally unavailable
Some parents are so self-absorbed, so focused on work that they are unable to show the empathy necessary for normal parent-child development. At an unhealthy level this is narcissistic and the child is considered only a reflection of the parent. Any request is at best ignored and the child is expected to be both subservient to the parent and at the same time a trophy to display to other envious parents and families.
Some parents can feel threatened or resentful as they watch their children grow up into young adults with lives of their own. They feel reminded of their own missed opportunities and lack of achievement.
Previous positive parent-child relationships may sour over time leaving the adolescent vulnerable. It is often hard for young people to understand what is happening and they may blame themselves for the communication breakdown. The uncertainty can lead to deep mistrust of any person whom they allow close.
Of course there is no such thing as the perfect family. But the Five Ls Guide can help make families the place where you can be yourself and be accepted for who you are. After all it is the first relationship that any of us will have.
The Five Ls Guide
LEARNING: Sharing with each other and learning value, behaviour and skills
LAUGHTER: The perfect “medicine” for strong family ties
LOYALTY: The glue that keeps families together
LOVE: The heart of the family
LEADERSHIP: The role models who impart shared values and respect
Workshop on “Family & What To Do About Them”
The London College of Clinical Hypnosis is offering a one-day discover workshop on Family & What To Do About Them at the special rate of RM50 (limited places).
Call 03 7960 6439 or email info@hypnosis-malaysia.com or www.lcch.asia to make your bookings.
Sheila Menon is Principal of the London College of Clinical Hypnosis (LCCH Asia).
With a firm belief in freedom of expression and without prejudice, FMT tries its best to share reliable content from third parties. Such articles are strictly the writer’s personal opinion. FMT does not necessarily endorse the views or opinions given by any third party content provider.

Exploring your inner psyche through hypnosis

By Sheila Menon
There are times when even the most positive amongst us gets frustrated. Responsibilities seem endless, expenses keeping growing and time is an increasingly scarce commodity.
There has been a trend in Malaysia and all around the world to get in touch with one’s self. But it can be confusing knowing where to start. Travel is one option because it broadens one’s horizons and allows you to escape for a while. But there are times when it would be nice just to get an insight about what makes us tick.
Another strategy is to journey inwards, to discover your true nature. And no journey of self-discovery is quite complete without exploring the unconscious mind.
Sigmund Freud (one of the most eminent psychologists of all time) said that the conscious mind, all that we are aware of, forms the mere tip of the iceberg about who we are as individuals.
We get glimpses of our true nature when a spontaneous thought or emotion pops into our conscious mind. Freud said that they come from the unconscious mind, which appears to be hidden, but is in fact a large part of one’s psyche.
Understanding the unconscious mind
The conscious mind works tirelessly behind the scenes solving problems, remembering information and occasionally giving rise to an “aha moment”. Certainly, no journey of self-discovery, can be complete without getting to know your unconscious mind.
Hypnotherapists often consider the unconscious mind the real mind. This is because it is the seat of emotions and the storehouse of life experiences and memories.
The conscious mind is considered a sophisticated mechanism for analysing sequential facts or working out details. But it can get completely muddled trying to make sense of emotions. Clearly a new route is needed if you want to know what makes you tick or to make emotional changes.
Of course not everyone who signs up for personal discovery or hypnosis courses has a problem. Some people are just curious about themselves. Getting in touch with one’s emotions often leads to feelings of completeness, personal confidence and wellbeing. For some people this is enough.
But others become fascinated and there is a natural progression to learn how to help others through charity work, sharing with friends or even as therapists. So exploring your inner psyche for personal reasons leads to skills, enhances satisfaction and provides invaluable knowledge.
Learning about hypnosis has several extra advantages for modern living. Hypnosis is a natural form of relaxation. In fact, anyone who has experienced a pleasant daydream knows what hypnosis feels like.
Regular practice is mentally and physically rejuvenating and can help people manage stress and problems of modern life such as insomnia, chronic pain, frustration and even some gastric problems.
Using hypnosis as a form of psychotherapy
This is because the unconscious mind is also the gateway between the body and the mind. The more in tune you are with yourself, the more at ease and healthy your body becomes. It is not surprising therefore that hypnosis is also called the oldest Western form of psychotherapy. In Eastern tradition it is the close cousin of meditation.
The nicest thing about hypnosis is that it is a natural state. There are only positive side effects like improved confidence and feelings of mental calm. Personal discovery using hypnosis is working with your own nature, and many people describe the experience as being connected to their true nature. And it is as simple as having a daydream.
A simple and safe way to explore hypnosis is to utilise the few moments just before you drift into sleep. This state is called a hypnogogic state and is a naturally occurring state of hypnosis.
Take a few moments to enjoy the sense of lying on your bed. Then imagine yourself waking up feeling fresh and rejuvenated and full of positive energy. As you create this image, picture yourself waking up with renewed energy or imagine how well and positive you will feel.
Naturally and without too much effort you will already be in communication with your unconscious mind and through these simple images you inner mind gets the message of how you wish to feel when you wake up.
Sheila Menon is Principal of the London College of Clinical Hypnosis (LCCH Asia). You can visit the www.lcch.asia website; email info@hypnosis-malaysia.com; or call 03-7960-6439 for more information.
With a firm belief in freedom of expression and without prejudice, FMT tries its best to share reliable content from third parties. Such articles are strictly the writer’s personal opinion. FMT does not necessarily endorse the views or opinions given by any third party content provider.

By Sheila Menon
While not totally kid’s play, paediatric hypnosis has been successful in transforming the life of children. This is because the language patterns used in clinical hypnosis are very similar to the way children naturally think.
The three most common techniques used are relaxation, storytelling and imagination while the most important part of the process is building trust with the young person.
Children have excellent imaginations. The clinical hypnotherapist will generally help the young person get comfortable and then create an interesting story about the problem to be solved. Using special hypnosis techniques the child embarks on a journey of imagination and metaphor, which is consistent with their own worldview. The child is shown how to solve the problems in this fantasy world and how to acquire the skills they need to cope in real life.
Solving behavioural issues
Clinical hypnosis can be helpful for simple behaviour problems such as coping with new environments (like a new school), situations that cause stress like school bullies, a lack of confidence, fear of the dark and bed wetting. It has also proved helpful in dealing with painful illnesses or medical procedures.
Clinical hypnotherapy can also provide support for children who have become confused about adult situations. Some children can become disturbed by seeing or hearing their parents argue. These children are either more sensitive to complex emotions or they do not have the skills or knowledge to cope with the situation. Rather than place the blame on one or more parent, there is a tendency to assume responsibility for the fight or unpleasant vibe.
This can give rise to feelings of guilt such as “Mum and dad fight because of me” or “I am bad” or simply “It’s my fault”. Another common response is to become like a sponge absorbing all the negative emotions in the home. An indication that your child is unhappy and needs help is when they start to withdraw, act out or become moody. In very extreme situations they may also think about running away or harming themselves.
In the USA about two-thirds of pediatrists regularly use techniques such as relaxation, storytelling and imagination when dealing with behavioural issues. The key to working with children is to provide the young person with a safe place, the tools to solve the problem and someone whom they feel is completely on their side and will not judge them.
In the USA about two-thirds of pediatrists regularly use techniques such as relaxation, storytelling and imagination when dealing with behavioural issues. The key to working with children is to provide the young person with a safe place, the tools to solve the problem and someone whom they feel is completely on their side and will not judge them.
In this way the parents can play an active role in the solution. Sometimes the clinical hypnotherapist will discuss the matter with the parents independently in a separate session. Of course the way these sessions are organised are highly individual and depend on the situation, the problem and the patient.
Clinical hypnosis can also help children prepare for difficult or painful medical procedures. Evidence suggests clinical hypnosis provides relief for both acute and chronic pain management. It works by addressing two key areas, anxiety about the procedure and management of uncomfortable or painful experiences.
The first step would be to discuss the matter with the child’s doctor and on their agreement, to include a clinical hypnotherapist as part of the team. Sometimes the clinical hypnotherapist will teach the accompanying parent how to use simple techniques so that they can continue to support their children at home.
Parents themselves can start the process of contributing to their child’s self-confidence and coping skills by three simple rules i.e. providing consistent boundaries and home rules that are fair and transparent; encouraging good behaviour rather than focusing on disruptive behaviour (the 3:1 rule of three positive to every criticism works); and by being liberal with love and hugs.
Sheila Menon is Principal of the London College of Clinical Hypnosis (LCCH Asia). You can visit the www.lcch.asia website; email info@hypnosis-malaysia.com; or call 03-7960-6439 for more information.